Trying to Act Normal

Perhaps its a form of denial, this acting I don’t have cancer, trying to do everything I’ve always done, but then exhaustion hits me and I’m reminded that my body just isn’t up to snuff yet. Dave has to keep reminding me that my body has undergone an onslaught with all this chemotherapy and radiation as well as the cancer itself.

It happened today… yesterday had been a full day at work–followed by spending the evening with David troubleshooting some problems with his new printer until 10:30pm.  I got up this morning, took a shower, washed my hair, got dressed and kissed David goodbye only to realize how exhausted I was. I ended up spending the morning on the sofa, too exhausted to either move or sleep. It did provide me some time to pray–some of it was selfish (“Lord, I sure need my prayer warriors praying for me now.”) and some of it was out of deep compassion for the families in our church who have lost loved ones recently.

Keep me in your prayers as I head to Dallas Thursday morning for seminary classes.

Now, the Waiting

As of last Thursday I completed the treatment plan… and now we wait. We wait as the chemo and radiation do their job destroying the last of the tumor. This takes patience, faith, and hope as we won’t know the results until the end of September.

So as we wait, these are my prayer requests.

• That I continue to rest in the Lord as I wait.
• That the tumor will be completely destroyed and I will not have a relapse.
• That the side effects continue to be minimal.
• That I will continue to get stronger and have the stamina to attend school in Dallas (it starts Thursday).
• That God will use what I have gone through for his glory, today, tomorrow, and in the days to come.

(Thanks to you all who prayed; today, Monday has been my first day without nausea.)

God bless you for all your prayers. It was so good to see you Sunday. I was awed by the number of you who are praying for me on a regular basis. I KNOW that is why I have been able to walk this journey in peace. I thank God who came up with the plan of the church, believers spreading the gospel and upholding each other in love. (among many other blessings God gives His people through the church!!!)

Home at Last

I am home now, weaker than I thought I would be (I slept over 12 hours Thursday night!) and hoping to get stronger as the days progress.

Monday, the day of the implant had been rough as I had a reaction to either the anasthesia or morphine they gave me and spent the rest of the day with nausea and vomiting. Because of that the doctor was concerned about what kind of pain medication to give me when removing the implant on Thursday. I didn’t know it at the time, but he was very concerned that using a combination of tylenol/advil would be enough… but I had passed the word on to a few of you to be praying around noon on Thursday and God answered the prayers —even the doctor admitted afterward that it went much better than he had expected. Now I wait for about 6 weeks to see if the radiation did its job. I know a lot of you are praying that it has, and I thank you as I remember that our Lord has promised that if 2 or more agree in prayer, He answers.

I must say that I am sick and tired of being sick (nauseated) and tired. The nausea still hasn’t gone away, but I hope that this time around its just the effects of the antibiotic I’m taking for the next 3 days.

I couldn’t do much more than listen to Christian music CDs, Beth Moore videos, and pray… but it filled my days (when I wasn’t sleeping–which I did a lot.)

Thank you for your continued prayers, cards, loving messages and support for David as we have gone through this trial. God bless all of you.

Getting Ready for the Hospital

(Sunday evening) Tomorrow I’ll be heading to the hospital for 3 days of laying still while the radiation implant does its part. I’d been pretty optimistic about what I would be able to do those three days, but I recently learned that I will be laying at a 15% angle, so occupying myself with reading  is out… so I hope to at least watch some bible study videos and listen to some music.

These are my prayer requests for the next couple of days.

1. That even though I will be isolated for the most part, I will still have the opportunity to be a witness of Christ’s grace to those I encounter.
2. That this brachytherapy does its job of destroying the remaining cancer cells.
3. That this hospitialization will be a refreshing time in God’s presence (that any discomfort I feel will not succeed in moving my eyes off my Lord and Savior.)
4. That David would continue to be encouraged as he stands beside through all this.
5. That my father would continue to find hope and peace in the Lord concerning my health.

Wednesy, August 13

When I went in on Tuesday for my first of a 3-shot series to build up my white blood cells, I mentioned to the nurse that I was expecting to feel more refreshed after the blood transfusion. She commented that they had only given me enough red blood cells to get me out of the danger zone, but not enough to bring me to pre-cancer energy levels. That probably explains why I continue to nap frequently.

Tomorrow will be a full day. I begin at 10 at the office of the doctor who will be doing the brachytherapy(which is scheduled for Monday). Then I go to the hospital to register. That will probably take until lunch. We’ll grab a lunch somewhere and head to the oncologist for my final shot in the series.

PLease continue to pray for God’s guidance for all the doctors. May God bless you with abundant blessings in return for the way you are a blessing to me.

Tuesday, Aug 12

Yesterday I received a blood transfusion…as I signed the release acknowledging all the possible complications I was able to say to myself “YES, BUT everyone is praying that the blood will be pure and I will have no reactions to the blood.” Thanks for giving me confidence.

They said that receiving the red blood cells would give me more energy. I believe its true. Sunday I had gotten up taken a shower and was exhausted by the time I was ready to dry off. I went back to bed (with a towel over my wet hair) and slept for 3 hours. Today I bathed and I’m still among the awake…!!!

The bad news is that while by red blood count is up, my white blood cells were still dropping. So I remain in isolation to keep me from getting an infection my body would be unable to fight. Right now I’m waiting for a call from the oncologist. My other doctor, who had been tracking my blood levels, put a call into her yesterday and suggested that I would need a shot to build up the white blood count. I’m waiting for a confirmation and a time to go in for that shot.

My strength may be increased, but I still tire easily. I was hoping for the energy of a 20-year old. Oh well, when I am weak, then God is strong. When I’m too weak to do anything else, I’m in prayer, especially for Barbara whose husband died in his sleep Sunday morning and all those God puts on my heart.

Thanks for your continued prayers.

Friday update

The doctor who is to perform the brachytherapy called me at home this evening. I had gone to the hospital this afternoon to have my blood typed and matched in preparation for the transfusion of red blood cells on Monday. At that time they also ran more blood work. The report back from the lab precipitated the doctor’s call. My blood counts are continuing to fall, and he has instructed me to call the oncologist (my primary doctor in this treatment) immediately if I start running a fever.

I am at my weakest, and I am reminded that when I am weak, God is strong. Keep praying.

Phase II treatment plan

The nausea continues. I foud out today that platinum creates the highest level of nausea (a five in a scale of 1-5) That explains a lot. I thought I would be over the nausea now that my final chemo was 10 days ago. Not so….

I just finished my appointment with the doctor who will be doing the radiation implant (brachytherapy is the official name). Good news, he literally wrote the book on this procedure. What more could you ask!!

Because the chemo and radiation have diminshed my health, the doctor decided to postpone the brachytherapy for a week (thanks to all of you who were praying for God’s wisdom in this treatment). So here’s the scoop.

Monday, August 11—I will receive two units of red blood cells and Memorial Northeast (Humble). This will take 6 hours as an outpatient procedure.

Wednesday, August 13—Prehospitalization tests at Memorial NorthWEST (610 at Ella)

Monday, August 18—Hospitalization at Memorial NorthWEST for brachytherapy. I believe I will be released on Thursday.

Rules for Visitors

• No one under 18
• No women of childbearing age
• Visits no longer than 30 minutes
• You must stand a safe distance away (no hugs or handholding)

Thanks for your continued prayers.

Phase II

As of Tuesday, August 5, I have completed both Chemo and radiation…and it has taken its toll on me. My skin is so raw from radiation that they’ve given me the cream they give burn victims. (I guess it really is a kind of burn) and now my white blood count is so low that I’ve been advised to stay away from crowds.  I hate that I will be unable to join my brothers and sisters in worshp, but I’m thankful to God that the chemo and radiation are continuing to work to reduce the size of the tumor. (They will continue to do their work on the tumor for several months, I’m told.)

Tomorrow I visit the doctor to begin phase II, which will involve a hospitalization. During the hospitalization radiation will be focused directly on the tumor with a radiation implant. I remain in the hospital for the duration of the implant (3 days) then am released after it is removed. Tomorrow the doctor will examine me and determine the kind of implant to do. Please pray that the doctor has God’s wisdom to determine the proper procedure that will have the greatest impact on the tumor.

Hanging On to Hope

You may have noticed that in many of the Psalms, the author recounts God’s might works; in other Psalms the Israelites are admonished to recount God’s works to their children. I do this myself, for I find that reminding myself of God’s faithfulness in other occassions in my life reminds me that God will see me through this cancer. Therein is my hope: in the character of God. I just need to remind myself of the time he’s worked miracles on my behalf in the past. After all, he’s already demonstrated his love, his power, compassion and faithfulness and he never changes.

If this doesn’t make sense, please forgive me…. the pain medication is making me dopey.

God bless you all!!

My Strength and Portion

Psalm 73: 21-26

When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered

I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.

Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

That is where our strength truly lies, in God’s presence. Today I spoke to Bob, whose mother passed away earlier this week. Their final words before her passing were about God’s love. Bob said she smiled, as if to say “you got it right” then passed into the presence of her Lord. Thanks for sharing the story with me Bob, I hope the story is retold many times as a tribute to your mother’s faith.

And speaking of Bob, another Bob I know was recently in the hospital surrounded by Mercy and Grace. No kidding, those were the names of his nurses!!! I think God smiled when he planned that one for Bob.

MY NEWS

The tumor continues to shrink. The radiology doctor said that there are pros and cons for going into the hospital on the 11th. Pros: There is an advantage to giving the full radiation treatment in a short period of time. Cons: Evidently, radiation only hits the surface cells, so the flatter the tumor the better. (mine is the thickness of a nickel). The tumor will continue to flatten even after chemo and radiation end, so if they wait they will be treating a thinner tumor. One of the doctors has talked of administeing the last radition via needles to deal with the thickness issue. I will find out the plan on Wednesday.

Pray that God guide the doctors.